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怎么了解中国 My Observations

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怎么了解中国 My Observations

帖子克隆北狄 » 08 10月 2012, 22:50

----Cold Water

Drink cold water. If you run, or if it is hot. Hell, if it is cold, drink ice water.
You are not going to thirst your quench (that's called a funny) buy drinking bird-servings of hot tea.

Yes, in the past, people died from drinking cold water. Why? AMOEBAS.
We have purification systems now.
Don't drink it straight from the tap in China. If you are someone who has a job that you are not qualified for because of your ole'boy network, go buy a purification system for your Chinese mansion. Next, quit your job because you realize you are not as talented as me, we'll shake hands, and then I'll drink your tap water straight to strengthen my immune system.

----Immune Systems and Pulling your Stomach (Not so hard to have a rectal prolapse...)

So I just started my Zero Willpower diet system, cooling awesome meals. Then, I had to see the in-laws down near the Vietnamese border. I've been having solid comfortable and relieving sessions in the wash closet. I was surprised that I lasted 10 days before the solids in my intestinal tract were slowly melted away from the bacteria into a liquid mess.

I couldn't resist - there was a Walmart in 个旧, so I picked up a bottle of whiskey for the fam. The next morning, I had liquid mess. I felt fine. And I've been having a healthy serving of whiskey on the rocks every night in Shanghai (low-ball only). But then after the liquid attack, the M.I.L. (please, no F; an innocent acronym for mother-in-law) blamed me for drinking 白酒. HELL, it was JACK! Jack-shit.

No, it wasn't "Jack-shit"! I've been solid, as I mentioned. So first came the blaming of drinking alcohol. Next, the blame went to eating "too many kinds" of food. Hell, with all the relative stuffing stuff down my throat, how could I resist. But variety does not cause diarrhea.

Then the wacky explanation of saying I had too much "COLD" in my system was next. So they gave me 粥 (haha, gruel - Its like Yoda food or something). But when I wanted to put some, just a friggin sprinkle, of honey in the porridge, tensions rose. "NO, YOU CAN'T! THAT'S A COLD FOOD" (speaking in 红河话). Hell, it's goddamn honey!

When I have diarrhea, I'm going to have a touch of honey DAMMIT!

What's the real reason of my diarrhea problems in China? And remember, it's your problem to..

TANGENT - Why is it so normal and even cute to say diarrhea in China? F#$%! In the airport on the shuttle bus, my C.I.N. asked if I still had it in front of all of these people.
拉肚子 needs to be a curse word in China. How, by making it as uncommon as it is in the West - attacking you only when you're REALLY sick.

How? The root of the problem is food cleanliness. That's why I cook nearly all what I eat. So I can guarantee what it is, to a degree...

Each time I go in to the hospital for diarrhea problems (over 5 times now), they always narrow it down to a bacterial infection.

So no need to believe the Captain Planet explanations given by old wive's tales from the barrens of Hunan province.

The wife put it best. She said that she's been eating tainted food her whole life, and that's why locals have diarrhea still, but a little less often than our squeaky-clean 老外 bowels.

Arigato.

--------------------------------

I hope to use this forum to continue my rants. Why? I'm not really interested in what others have to say. I've got a lot to say. You don't have to listen. But my friends think it's pretty damn funny, and say it's rather useful information.
An insight they enjoy because of my experience in China.
And another thing. I couldn't afford a Ph.D., but if I could, I'd be teaching this stuff in a university. That was the original plan.

So for the unpleasant people that hate China and have great jobs here, just quit and send me the information so I can do a better job than you could imagine.
[url=http://weibo.com/u/2389253250]科狄的微博[/url]
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克隆北狄
 
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Re: 怎么了解中国 My Observations

帖子mark » 13 10月 2012, 10:24

哈哈!No problem, please feel free to rant all you want :)
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